Friday, January 13, 2012

Communication, Miscommunications and Gossips

I wonder if my communication and social skills had been getting worst recently. Not sure if it's because as you grow older, you get lazier, more anti-social and simply do not bother as much to seek for social acceptance. Hmm, this is really no good... Three examples:

1. Catch up with sis and asked about their trip after the family was back from a vacation. Our chitchat overheard by nephew was interpretated wrongly and innocently communicated to the people whose names we had mentioned. A misunderstanding was created and sis asked if she should ask nephew to go clarify since she can always vouch for me and the younger one can verify that he was there and had not heard me say that. It was too much hassle and my nephew was just a little kid. Indeed, the poor boy was already feeling very guilty after my sis and bil had a session with him on the seriousness of passing on information without verification and creating miscommunication, as well as why it is not appropriate to share family conversations, verified or not, to outsiders.

Besides, i did not want to make the persons involved to be embarrassed by bringing up the story about them. Didn't think it was a big deal.. and i thought "清者自清"...and anyway, it had already happened and clarifying will just " 越描越黑"... but perhaps i was wrong... for i just realized that i have created others' misunderstanding of me...

2. While overseas, found myself in a social setting (a circle i was not too close with) after i was involved in an event while my closer contacts who didn't have any responsibility over the event "siam" and went out to have fun. Anyway, so i joined this circle for some drinks and conversations turned into gossips, which included names i know, none from my inner cicle but one whom had been quite nice to me on the few occasions we interacted. So anyway, there i sat there and listened to them talk. At first, it sounded interesting. Then i thought to myself... this is so scary... the person being talked about could well be me, or anyone there on the lounge that day, if we had happened not to be there in person that day. And as i sat looking at the person sharing the tibits of gossips, i felt nauseated..

3. I had been flying kites.. for the wrong reason. Over Christmas period, i stood a friend up because i thought catching up with him alone would create more misunderstanding between me and this lady friend of his (ok, and mine too, before she acted weird and confusing and most importantly picked on me for no reason or explanation).

So anyway, i think my friendship with him was an issue for her (although she told me she wished he'll leave her alone..but anyway, that's between them) so i decided in the end, albeit feeling really bad about it, to tell him that i could not make it for the appointment. Although the reason i gave for not being able to make it was totally legitimate and factual, i could have arranged to meet up on another time or day if i had indeed been sincere. Actually, i should have just tell him straight my concerns for not wanting to meet. I'm sure he would understand..

From my recent experiences, i have come to three conclusions.

One, where there are people, there will be gossips and 非.

Two, everyone loves gossip, provided that it is not on them. An untrained mind is one which receives information without verification. A gossip is one who spread negative information about others. An energizer is one who spread positive news about others. I shall strive to be the energizer! :)

Three, I do have a tendency to avoid conversations that are uncomfortable or awkward. I must really try to be conscious of this and make an effort to confront this weakness.