Saturday, October 20, 2012


"Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching."

Friend says i'm being naive. She said 95% of people don't have integrity and 100% of guys cheat. Hmm.. That's a little extreme. I mean, i do know of people who exhibit such characteristics which i really admire. But she said i'll never know..that it could be just appearance..:(. I guess i am lucky i really do know of good guy friends who i think will not cheat, or at least think it's wrong, even if i have heard and know of many who does, including an ex i trusted totally and a guy i dated many months back... (Please give me some hope!!)

Anyway, what I mean is, things like speeding, being on time for work, extending parking time limit etc, these are wrong things many of us are guilty of now and then, even when we know someone is watching, because we are all imperfect beings striving to be perfect and hoping for some slack once in a while in this sometimes harsh world. heheh.. at least that's excuse from me. ;P.

But when it calls for doing the right thing when no one is watching, decisions that will impact others, when we alone are the gatekeeper, do we have the integrity to do the right thing. I am not perfect myself, and i have fallen down too in this journey of life. But the belief is, you always strive to do the right thing. Doing the right thing when you are the only gatekeeper. This allows you to keep your relationships, your work and your life in harmony. It allows you to be able to look straight into someone's eye, knowing you have always acted or tried to act with the best intention.

My friend says it's good i have hope. Why do i feel sadness that she said that? I think her past relationship experience had really changed her. She said maybe. Now she's just cynical.. I am feeling a little sad. And i thought of my friend whom i catch up with last night. Was feeling happy and excited for him. Yet he is also turning negative and cynical and i told him he kill my interest to talk to him. Told him his negativity kills friendship and drains energy. He said people around him these days are like that, and it's good because it makes him critical and analyze things..


Woke up this morning to see my fren's text last night, "Sorry to make you angry." :(

I wish everyone can be happier..

A flower to brighten up the day. Hope it'll be a positive day ahead!!

Friday, October 12, 2012

My (unorthodox) Car Meditation

I like driving home on a night like this.. the night is quiet, the air is chill and the road is a nice smooth drive. My soul is at peace. Bliss... :)
I like driving home on a night like this. It feels relaxed, like my soul is at it's natural state. Quiet. No more deadline to rush, no all sorts of people to deal with, no clutters. Just be.

And then in this natural state, i find that i could be thinking about things or not thinking about things. Feeling relaxed and at the same time feeling an ache.

An ache.. i mean an ache in the heart. How could this be? I don't know how to describe it. It's not like i'm sad, or feeling sorrow or anything.. i just felt an ache... Sometimes, i like to think that perhaps we have more than one consciousness that operates separately in our body. Such that, here i am feeling relaxed, i can at the same time noticed the ache in my heart. How strange.. And perhaps, it is in quiet moment like this, that i can sense this even more acutely. 

I just google the definition of ache. It is defined as such:

1. A dull, steady pain. See Synonyms at pain.
2. A longing or desire; a yen.
3. A painful sorrow.

So, could it be a painful sorrow that's embedded in me for the longest time? That on a night like this, when everything is at peace and on a natural state, the sorrow had felt safe to emerge? Or could it be a longing.. feelings i am trying to suppress and be zen about. Or maybe acting zen but not really being zen. hmm. whatever..

Anyway, on a night like this. I don't need to think so much. Just feel and observe...  the calmness, the ache, the peace, the bliss.... ya.. and of course, the road. heheh.