Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The problem with Being Single at 30

is that many people can’t wait to peddle any single guy they know to you. It is as if you are without choices. That any Tom, Dick or Harry would do for you, as long as the person is single.

They meant well of course. But such blind enthusiasm is often more an irritation than anything else. And it often happens with people who don’t know you well. Such as one kaypoh ex colleague, who once remarked, “Why don’t you consider XX. He not bad ma. All the gals here are either attached or married. You also not young anymore…”

I felt like telling her. “No thanks. I’m a lesbian.”

Of course I’m not a lesbian. But the point is, how do you know if a guy’s my type? You don’t even know me. How do you know if I’m not dating? Why must I be attached or be married at this age? What if I made the choice to come out of a long relationship, risking marriage plans and at an age where most of my peers would be looking to settle down because it works best for me? Why are you not single? It’s great to be single and without attachment? Why don’t you join our club?

I believe there are two sides to every coin. There are things I missed having someone and being in a relationship. But there are equally many things which I really appreciate being single at this point. I guess we all go through different phases and experiences in life, which shape where we are now and how we view and appreciate life, people and things around us at a particular point.

Only we know ourselves if we are better off or not. And we should respect others for the personal paths in life they took, whether it is to remain single, divorced, married, dedicated to work, religion, dreams, whatever.

I think it is pure rudeness to try to impose one's values upon others without knowing the person behind.

And I’ll like to end off here with this poem I used to recite to a dear fren of mine whenever he tried to tell me what he thought was best for me (who at least has the right to give advice being a good friend who knows you and have your interest at heart).

Roland Tombekai Dempster

I am not you –
But you will not
Give me a chance,
Will not let me be me.

“If I were you”
but you know
I am not you,
Yet you will not
Let me be me.

You meddle, interfere
In my affairs
As if they were yours
And you were me.

You are unfair, unwise,
Foolish to think
That I can be you,
Talk, act
And think like you.

God made me me.
He made you you.
For God’s sake
Let me be me.