Told my good friend something i came across recently, only to realise he knew it since a long time ago. I asked him why he didn't ever mention to me before and he said it was a secret he's supposed to keep. I should be happy that my friend is a person of integrity and trustworthiness. He keeps secrets he promised. There's nothing wrong he did. Yet, i only felt hurt. We shared many secrets, confidence which i thought was of much more importance and secrecy than this, of people we knew, he had shared with me. But why not this? It's not something of a big deal or scandalous but he kept it from me for the longest time.
I guess, if he had not meant any deal to me, i wouldn't have felt anything. This is really no big deal. But the fact is, i felt hurt. I shouldn't feel hurt but anyway, that's how i felt. But the logical part of me tells me to brush it off. What does it matter? So i brushed it off. But it doesn't feel the same any more. The realization that you are not truly in the circle of trust which you imagined yourself to be in.. That your good friend has closer confidence than with you. Things change, people change. Sometimes, we live in a dream, sometimes, we need to wake up.
I guess it doesn't take one incident for distrust to build up. Prior to that, for me there were already hurt feelings, times when you were simply dropped, insincerities, rudeness. Maybe that's why i get sensitive, you lose faith.
My friend is talking about this person he protected the secret from me again. Every time we talk, he will mention the name. It simply irks me.
Anyway, Buddha says attachment is the source of unhappiness. I shall just detach myself away. Vent my frustration, adjust and move on.
