Letter to Jean

Saw someone on the street with a splitting image of Jay today. It had been so many years since i last kept in contact with him. We have totally lost touch since i started uni while he continued his NS with the marine police. He was my senior in JC and stayed nearby. One day, we just started talking when we met while walking to school.. It was a short sweet puppy kind of affection i had for him. He had been special then. He was kind, soft spoken, Eurasian and looks alittle like the Singapore foreign soccer player Abba Saab. And he was the first person to write a poem for me. Till today, i still keep the letter in which he wrote the poem for me.

For: Zhuo YiJin




Letter to Jean,

The only moon in the dark night

The shining star twinkling bright

Such a wonderful sight

In this amazing night

Kind in heart and soul

Always to help the lesser

With efforts that you pour

To make their days brighter

Passion set inside yourself

A World. So filled with life

Enjoyment of this sacred life

As only you know how

Admiration for this gem

Long forth do i have to say

How special a person you are

Like diamonds and pearls so rare

Windows through this naked world

Provided by visions of your own

You know the value of living

Like living is what you do

Thanks for being the telescope

And the heart beater as well

For you are truly great

It's time that you know

Jay

3/5/95

In our journey of life, we meet countless of people who enters and leaves our life. Some leaves a mark, others are forgettable. And looking back, those who have left a footprint are those who have touched us, made a difference in our life, shared deep experiences and adventures together with us, and who had made the efforts to live in the moment and created the special memories for us to revisit. And these are the footprints that add colors and richness in our life. I hope i had left my footprints behind those who had taken the journey together with me at some point of my life too.

Ok. I'll end this entry with the attached powerpoint on life journey.

Tonight I can write the saddest line

My friend shared this poem with me. Really like the way it is written. Such poignancy... " Write, for example, 'The night is shattered and the blue stars shiver in the distance.' "

Tonight I can write the saddest lines

Write, for example,'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Pablo Neruda

People i loved

There were people you loved but had to part.
Because you suddenly find yourselves facing different directions in life

There were people you loved but had to deny
Because you knew it was never meant to be

There were moments when the heart keeps bleeding
And you wonder when they would ever stop

There were moments when nothing was said
But so much was understood

Went Dancing

Met Lilian and her French frens to go chiong. Didn't want to go at first cos i dun have anything nice to wear for going to clubs. i travel very light for last week business trip and my clothes are mostly business wear. But i went anyway, she is the only gal and it's quite dangerous. Somemore she said her angmoh fren's brother is quite cute and wanna introduce to me.

Have not danced for a long time. But boy, this club we went to was quite hip and fun. Wah, i was quite popular leh. There's quite a couple of French guys trying to hit on me. The dancing's really fun. But i think me too conservative cos i get uncomfortable getting too close if i dun know the person well in advance.

The brother's quite cute but clubs are not the place to meet someone serious la and i am not looking for flings.

Lost my Passport in Paris

Checked into the hotel last afternoon to realise that i have lost my passport. Was so worried.... I still had my passport with me when i was waiting for the train at the St Quentin Station. So the passport must have been lost either on the railstation or the metro. Retraced my path to the metro and asked the lady on duty for help. Stupid women. All she can say is sorry, there's nothing i can do. *#$#@. Asked her to help call the main station to check and she can only say "i dun know.....i can;t help you. you have gotta go look for police..."

So i went to look for the police. And they just take my statement at the police station and tell me i can go. So i ask them aren't they gonna ask me for more information like where i last lost sight of my passport etc so that they can help me find my passport. And the clerk just say, you have gotta go and look for your consulate #%$*&@) upon which i ask them for the tel. number and the idiot said, you have gotta check the internet. I tried again and ask him if perhaps he may have the rail station number which i can call myself to check. He said sorry he dun have and i just gotta check the internet myself.

Thus in the end, i went back to my hotel to check the internet for the consultate and main rail station contact number. The service staff i called was really helpful. And gave me both the metro and rail station number i can call directly to check. Luckily someone found my passport and had returned it to the main rail trainstation. I was so so so relieved.

Passed by a beggar inside the metro tunnel. Felt so glad to have found my passport i gave him all the euro coins i have with me.

P/s: While checking the net and calling the train station to check, met a fren on line. Was really glad to meet someone to share my frustrations and anxiety so proceeded to describe what happen only to have my sentence cut off with "okok" after i reveal the railstation just confirm that they have found my passport....You know, okok = stopstop, you dun have to continue...

But i have not even really started...there's no one here and i just wanna share my experience and frustrations mah.

even my good fren is mean to me. this is really not my day.

Dun kick your fren when she is down OK?

思念, 早在离别前开始

A Previous Post

Sometimes, I feel a little lonely

Sometimes, I am so busy I dun have time for my loved ones

Sometimes, I think of people I should let go

Sometimes, my heart will ache

Jean

18^th August 2004. cold and tired and missed the last train and had to walked back to hotel from office.